I better say...

I was mad at you for all pain and grief you've put on me,....and now I finally understand you because all the pain and grief were coming out from myself.
I think I was mad at myself, and I'm sorry for being mean to you.
I wanted to be the special one for you but whenever I saw you, I was really out of your mind.
I was disappointed of and mad at myself not you.

So, the only one thing I can say to you right now is I'm sorry and I....seriously want to say that I love you. I can imagine you getting shocked. :P

As I can't put my feelings for you into words, I just want to say...