Not Yet

You smile when you feel like crying
you act like you're okay.
When you're really falling apart inside,
and you eventually let it go.
You move on because there's nothing else you can do or say.
But I can still feel your love and anger at the same time,
and you don't seem to know how it hurts me and breaks down.

As we grow up, we'll learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will. We will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. When you leave someone, you'll also have a broken mind inside, so remember how
it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love and regret that you'd already left the one you truly loved in the past. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. 

Thanks to you, I learned the true love and would never force again to get you back because even though you say you're lonely in your life at this moment without me,I know you don't want to be with me anymore and I don't want to get hurt by watching you dying next to me, not in love...but I still love you because my heart doesn't tend to work in the same way my brain does. I thought I forgot you but unconsciously, I think of you. Is it how you wanted me to be supposed to? Fighting for this love with no purpose? Realising that all the conflicts and faults and feeling guilty? Is it all you can do? Why are you being so cruel and making me vulnerable? It's not who you were, isn't it?