All I Wanna Tell You

Unrecognizable

He would say what he wants and I would listen and tell him, "Don't be silly, you know I love you."
Fortunately or unfortunately, you are not alone and I'll be always next to you, and we will have the greatest Christmas pretty soon. I'll calm down his nervous, desperate feelings.
He, then, asks me a lot of the same question nonstop with his curious, ravishing face like a little child. He can't seem to hide his smiling mind. I would say that he acts weird, making a frowny face, but, inside myself, I say he can't be more adorable than that!

I can not easily express my feelings, whether I feel good or not, without getting people mad at me, or I'm really good at acting. I pretend to look fine, self-controlling, and kinda happy in my life. Sometimes, I act to be mean, selfish, and hating, not to open my mind toward them, but I would be feeling sorry to them and saying, "It's not what I really mean, but hope you understand why." My parents and friends are also unable to define who I am like. I would be the sweetest girl temporarily, change my mind, and act so cold, blue, and even mean like chameleons change their skin colour depending on the ecosystem they live in.

Letting people leave is the hardest thing I might do, but I would leave them when I feel like they would pretty much shut down their mind and walk away from me, so that I don't get a huge broken heart. It'd be also hard to decide letting them apart away from me, but easier than getting hurt. People would tell me I'm not understandable but more vulnerable than others. Who are you like?

Not Because...

People tend to love someone to prove that they love themselves and realize that they are terrified to get hurt by the one they love so they can't easily open their minds.

Have you ever fallen in love at first sight? screwed up your relationship at the end? and looked for your new soulmate to get over your ex-boyfriend? I used to do the same. I wanted to figure out why I really got exhausted with all the things between him and me. I thought of such things like,
'Everyone makes people do funny things at the beginning of a relationship, wanting too much happiness, too much pleasure, too much beliefs, until they make you feel sick.' I know terrible circumstances and discipline were stucking him and me into the darkness but the main point wasn't, but untrustfulness devoured our love and true feelings were gone.

I tried everything to get rid of every single stuff that reminds me of him. I prayed for myself to God to be retrieved. I re-planned and started my life again, eventually my ruined body and heart didn't diminish a part of my future, which was almost vanished.

Depending on the length of the relationship, it might be harder and take longer to actually get over them. However, after a breakup, no matter how bad it was, we know we gotta move on because everyone needs a little bit of love and affection to live in this world.

What I learned from so many passing people in love was, when you love someone, do not afraid to lose yourself and sacrify yourself to fall in love. Love is not only blind but also deaf, dumb, and stupid. The fear that you have inside is from your greedy, selfish, sneaky mind. Once you truly love someone, you won't be able to hide yourself and might lose important things in your life, but after you get into a deep relationship, you'll get the worthwhile things back and find the treasure.

When I was in love with him, I was happy not to be apart but feeling guilty about that I was keeping him besides me even though my love has disappeared. However, after the desperate breakup, what I realized was I still loved him at that moment and was living in regreattable memories and the sorrow like a sad divorced woman or my mom. I couldn't get him back at the end and I still think I was stupid and made a wrong decision. I lost you.

Not Yet

You smile when you feel like crying
you act like you're okay.
When you're really falling apart inside,
and you eventually let it go.
You move on because there's nothing else you can do or say.
But I can still feel your love and anger at the same time,
and you don't seem to know how it hurts me and breaks down.

As we grow up, we'll learn that even the one person that wasn't
supposed to ever let you down probably will. We will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. When you leave someone, you'll also have a broken mind inside, so remember how
it felt when yours was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love and regret that you'd already left the one you truly loved in the past. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. 

Thanks to you, I learned the true love and would never force again to get you back because even though you say you're lonely in your life at this moment without me,I know you don't want to be with me anymore and I don't want to get hurt by watching you dying next to me, not in love...but I still love you because my heart doesn't tend to work in the same way my brain does. I thought I forgot you but unconsciously, I think of you. Is it how you wanted me to be supposed to? Fighting for this love with no purpose? Realising that all the conflicts and faults and feeling guilty? Is it all you can do? Why are you being so cruel and making me vulnerable? It's not who you were, isn't it? 

Danza Hermosa

I've been dancing in my whole life; ballet for 7 yrs, Tahitian(belly + Hawaiian hula dance) and cheeleading dance for 2 yrs, contemporary(modern) dance for 5 yrs, and hip-hop (freestyle) dance.
In this quarter, I had to take one of the art classes. Actually, I wanted to take a vocal class but after talking with an advisor, she said like, "Yes, you took dance classes in high school. So, why don't you take a performance class. You can definitely get the permission from the prof.!"
And now, I'm sitting in front of my laptop computer and searching for any songs for my final term...I've been having choreographies almost everyday with my partner but nothing seems to be getting better.

Here are the songs I picked;
Sergio Mendes Ft. Black Eyed Peas - Mas Que Nada (Samba Pt.)
Mika - Happy Ending (Contemporary Pt.)
Nelly - Just A Dream (Hip-Hop)


The final-term one is limited to 20 minutes but I don't know he and I can dance for the whole period...dah! It's chaos! Only 2 weeks left and my whole body are already torn.

If you have any ideas, please comment here or tell me asap! :)

In the morning, the first thing I think of is what you would do today.

I spend more time thinking of you.

I feel stuck and act like a loser in this love.

I know I shouldn't be missing you.

I used to be high-demanding and disrespectful to you.

All of a sudden though,

I started thinking about you nonstop.

I seriously cannot get you out of my head.

I've fallen into this deep spiral of sadness.

I feel so alone and lost,

even though I know he's not looking back at me.

What happened to me? What have I done?

                                                

I'll Get Back Up Again

If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert.  He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator.  He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself.  He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day. 

Happiness must be allowed to grow up.