Love & Hate

I'm ready to say this to you. I'm still forgetting you today. You and I are separated after two years together. Two years that to me didn't mean too much.

I would explain that my feelings had simply gone away. Yes, that was true. I have no more feelings now, and I'd never had before even when I was with you.

I felt I used your mind. You were a boy who was there to make me feel loved. You were smart, you truly cared about me and you were always waiting for me. For me, you were too enough.

I still remember the days we had pep rallies, homecoming games, parties and especially gym classes. When we played baseball, even though you were my enemy and you caught the ball I batted, you waited for me to run to the first base so I could get the point. After school, I used to go to your house everyday.

I enjoyed being with you. I liked the way you pleased me with jokes and games but I didn't really love you. So I started asking to myself if I really was yours and eventually I realized that I had a perfect guy next to me but I couldn't be satisfied with yourself. I wanted a ...spark! like I'd never experienced before so I could be surprised all the time.

A week ago, you went back to your place and you made me think of a lot things again. I again asked to myself if I needed to chase you but, there was nothing I could do except I sat in my bed and cried for a few days.

I can't trust myself because... I don't even know who I really love. And the other day, you said you would be with me forever if I trusted you but, the only thing I felt was 'guiltiness'. I was like, do I deserve to get loved from people even though I don't love myself? Do I deserve better than this?

Tell me what you're thinking of what I'm feeling. and I'll give you a call after I find out my phone or get a new one....I don't know when it would be thou (sighs).